Just a few minutes left for 2016 and I want to share my experiences with all my beloved friends. 2016 started with so many things turned up side down but I promised myself that this is going to be my best year. Trust me, this year made sure that I fall in love with life more than ever before. I used to ask myself many times that what is good in whatever is happening, but I eventually realized universe always had my back and knew more than me that I deserved much more than what I was asking for. I deserve real people. I deserve love, respect, pampering, loyalty, trust, and people who would be with me during my anxieties and strengths both. Now, I am grateful that I’m spending this year with the real people in my life who believe in me and think of me as a strong capable woman who can win over the world and charm people with her stunning aura.
You see how we all at times fear whether we will get better ever or stay stuck in our present situation. When this year started, I was, to be honest, at a bad place emotionally. My self- esteem was low and I was dealing with serious anxiety issues. I used to resort to paper bag breathing when it used to get uncontrollable. I actually had carry bags from McDonald’s in my drawer for an emergency. But now when I look back, I realize how brave I was to stand up each day in the morning and face the day. I have to admit, I used to cry myself to sleep and feel exhausted in the morning.
As the year passed, I kept on breathing and with every breath I became stronger and better at handling life. The journey was difficult but I survived.
I’m really grateful to the universe that I managed to focus on my life goals and take exams. My friends were always there when I needed them. It’s just that I couldn’t call and tell them that I needed them at that moment. Nevertheless, some people’s timings were so appropriate that I can never thank them enough for calling me from another state and divert my mind. My best friend who will someday be the most successful Indian Footballer heard all my insecurities and held my back when I couldn’t even stand straight.
In June my Internship started, and I told myself on the first day of my internship after the night’s crying that I’m going to be jolly and confident in myself. This decision brought me to where I am today.
My 21st birthday was my best birthday that made me realize how much I mean to the people around me. My three college friends came all the way to my house early morning from really far away just to make me smile. I am crying right now remembering that moment when I saw them. I woke up to three caring friends who made me fall in love with their genuineness. After that I partied hard with the two gems of my life who made sure I get my favorite things from Starbucks. My colony friend baked a whole cake just for me and although, I got late to reach home she waited for me. The party continued the next day with my other friends buying me 21 donuts for my 21st birthday. I wanted 21 donuts this year and somehow they read my mind!
I had the most amazing sleepover with my best friends this year; a night I will remember throughout my life. I did my another internship in November and kept on enjoying with my friends, going on lunches with them.I used to get sad at times but all that was worth it because it made me realize how stronger I had become in dealing with my anxieties.
The best thing will be my blog. I always wanted to make a difference and in December I started my blog on WordPress and on Instagram with the aim to make people happier and content in life, to push them and reach their potential and know their worth. I am overwhelmed to hear so many compliments about my blog. With this year ending, a week back I also gave my past a closure.
And in the most surprising moment, I danced for the first time in my life in a party and now my fear of dancing in public is almost gone.
I feel more in control of myself. I have started accepting myself and then changing the things I think I should because they would help me grow. I’m currently doing another internship and growing my relationships.
I want all the people with any sort of anxiety issues to know that you are stronger than you can even imagine and someday you will realize how amazing you are. No one can replace you, and you deserve love and respect. Feeling weak or helpless doesn’t make you worthless. You’re a star that everyone wishes to touch but can’t! And those who don’t say you’re good enough, can’t see your magnificence.
I want all of you to know that it is okay to feel. YOU ARE A HUMAN. YOU HAVE AN AMYGDALA.
Happy New year everyone! May this year make you the most humble, strong, loving, loyal, and determined person. More power and light to all of you! Universe and I love you all!